DIETARY FREEDOM.

Here I am again. Not ready for the contest that is in a few short weeks...but you know what? IGAF (indirect translation: I don't give a hoot...) As I mentioned in my last post, I am totally happy with my body and my diet for maybe the first time in my life.

It is so incredibly freeing to feel like food doesn't control me. Do I have a six-pack? Well, yes...but you can't see it. And I am cool with it...because I feel really healthy. I have energy. I get to enjoy eating with friends and family. I don't feel like I have to say no to treats. I don't schedule my meals to be every two hours...because my life is not scheduled in 2 hour increments. My meals actually feel like meals...which is actually far more satiating, regardless of calories.

Does that mean I eat whatever and whenever I want to? Nope. Sometimes I still say no to treats because I still have goals. I listen to my body better and I know pretty well what foods I should avoid...because, even though I don't think anyone should label foods as 'good' or 'bad' foods...there are foods that are bad FOR ME.

Trigger foods. Foods that are catalysts to bad dietary decisions. Foods that trigger an emotional response (that for me can turn very quickly into binging).  I try to be careful with those foods. I do my best not to indulge in them if I am having a bad day.  They are foods that I probably shouldn't keep in my house (but I am human...and sometimes I fall prey to the temptation...or I shop hungry and I make more unhealthy decisions).  Trigger foods are not the same for everyone.

Food is not the enemy. Food is a thing. Food is food. Sometimes fuel for just living day to day. Sometimes fuel for intense exercise. Sometimes fuel for the soul. 

I work with men and women who somewhere along the line developed a misunderstanding of what food is and what it can do FOR them. Eating has been so demonized in so many ways. 'Too much fat will make you fat'. 'Sugar will give you diabetes'. 'Bread is bad for you'. 'GMO will give you cancer'. 'If you can't pronounce the ingredient, don't eat it'. BLAH BLAH BLAH. It is CONFUSING.

Nutrition does not need to be confusing. YES. There is some validity in many of those statements...but people don't know why or under what circumstances the statements are valid...so starts the pattern of eating no fat, no sugar, no bread, no gmo food, nothing processed, and whatever other stupid thing that is trending. If you cut those things out...what is left? Ah. You have the internet's permission to drink water. ALLLL the water.  And veggies. And grass fed-free range meat. Unless you are 'ethical'. Then no meat...#vegan #whatthehealth (ALSO BULLSHIT). SO veggies and water #ftw.

Good luck ever feeling satisfied...or remotely happy when all you tell yourself you should be eating is cardboard washed down with a glass of water. GUYS YOU CAN'T DO THIS...seriously. What happens on the weekends after you've managed to stick to it all week? You eat every single thing. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. And then you feel guilt. And so you smother the feeling by eating more. RIGHT? But Monday rolls around and you can 'be good' again. THIS IS NOT DIETARY FREEDOM. It is a prison and the guards look a lot like a box of doughnuts.

And you know what? I have fallen for nearly [every. single. one.] of these trends. I have tried them all. And there are things that I have learned from trying them. BUT none of them worked. ZERO of them offered me the balance that I needed to have dietary freedom. I never felt in control of food or my ability to choose, until I let go of the 'rules'.

The only rule I have now is this: I DECIDE TO EAT. I decide to eat fresh veggies. I decide to eat fruit. I decide to drink soda. I decide to eat cookies. I decide to eat ice cream. I decide to have a diet soda. WHATEVER. As long as I am aware of my choices and take two seconds to be mindful about my choices I HAVE THE CONTROL. And I choose better. And sometimes I choose to feel a little extra full because I went out and had a burger and it put my calories up by 500 or whatever. IT WAS MY CHOICE. It might slow down some weight loss...I might even gain a pound (but I will know that before making the decision...and I know that I have nobody and nothing to blame for enjoying myself...and I can always choose to eat half of the burger or get no burger and visit...because I DECIDE).

This is how I approach nutrition with my clients. NO QUICK FIX.  I want my clients to learn how to adjust perspectives and trust that they know themselves better than anyone else ever will.  Dietary guidance is secondary.

If you want to change, you have to believe that you have the ability to change and be empowered to take control of the one thing you can...YOUR CHOICES.


I will do an actual contest prep update sometime...because it's still a goal;) Just not one that I am willing to sacrifice balance and happiness for.

Improvement Season 2015-2016

It's been a little rough post-comp (again). I put on more body fat than I wanted to (again),  BUT there is a difference this year. I actually feel okay with it. I have been focusing more on just getting stronger while I enjoy treats and meals that satisfy my foodie side. It has been fun, I definitely feel stronger and on top of that, more sane about my off season than I have in the past (progress comes in many different forms...that is a big one for me).

I am still thinking about when I will compete this year, and it is looking like I will be competing in May or June to re-qualify for NPC USAs at the end of July. I have a handful of goals...and the most important one for me this year actually has nothing to do with how I place at my competitions. I want to spend more time moderating my post season. Don't gain as much body fat post-competition. Feel more comfortable in my skin all year long. Placing at USAs is the follow-up goal...so still pretty important, but not #1.

My off season body is holding at about 145#...which is about 10# above my 'I still feel hot, but can maintain this' body...lol. I haven't started an official contest prep, so my weight fluctuates a couple of pounds when I feel like having a little extra at family dinners or parties...no biggie, especially because I expect the weight jump the next morning. I am planning on starting contest prep in the next 2-4 weeks, and when I do  I will make more regular posts with progress pictures (not my favorite thing to share right now...but it's real...so I will).

Also, I am working on my youtube channel quite a bit more now.  I am mostly posting videos with instruction and tips for my clients, but as things get going with prep, I will update on there with prep too!

Stress, Boredom, and Emotional Eating.

I have realized over the past year that I am not the exception to emotional eating. I used to be one who would NOT eat when I was feeling upset, but since I started competing, food has become more of a comfort to me when I am feeling low than ever before. There are lots of days that I feel like I am very close to being in full-blown disordered eating (eating disorders are not exclusive to a caloric defecit or purging...binge eating is also considered disordered eating).

After my last show, this has been the biggest challenge for me. I binge...and when I binge I binge like there is no tomorrow. I eat until I feel ill, and then I eat more. I am not entirely sure why I do it, but I am completely aware of it from the second the binge starts. I know what I am doing. I want to stop, but I can't. It has been almost 8 months since I was on stage, and for probably 2-3 months I was close to 20 lb. over my stage weight. NOT a healthy 20 lb. More like a 'I'm gonna eat straight junk (whole packages of oreos, party size bags of tootsie pops, tootsie rolls, and dots, whole boxes of pop tarts, etc.). And I have not felt good about myself. I have been uncomfortable in my clothes and in my own skin.

I do consider myself lucky to have only peaked at 20 lb. over stage weight with the way I was eating (but in a way I would attribute it not entirely to luck, but partially to awareness and knowledge...and guilt...). If I were not aware of the damage I was doing and let it take complete control of me, I would be far worse off. I don't feel like I have completely destroyed my metabolic capacity (although, leaning out has already proven to be more difficult this year than last). For this, I really think I am lucky.

Over the past couple of months I have started to come to the realization that a lot of my binges came from emotional stresses and boredom: a very poisonous combination. I get stressed and then I have too much time to wallow in my stresses...and fill them with comfort food. And it works...until the next morning when I wake up and regret what I did...by midafternoon the cycle is in repeat because the guilt and regret only adds to the stress that was already there. It takes an immense amount of energy to battle the desire to turn to comfort food...and sometimes I actually do put in the effort. And sometimes I don't.

I was planning on blogging and vlogging my contest prep leading up to a competition that was only two days ago. I gave up. I let myself binge too many times, and then I let myself believe that I couldn't do it. I went to watch the show to support some friends who were competing, and it was a blast! But, I wasn't on stage...and really, I am okay with it. I want to make sure that I am really ready to start preparing for a competition before I commit to one. I want to make sure that I feel mentally ready even more than I might feel physically ready.

I think I am getting close, but there are days that just hammer me. They make me feel like giving up and just letting everything crash. Today has been one of those days. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I keep thinking about the bottle of jelly beans in my car trunk...but I want to be strong today, so I decided to write a post. One that I am sure many people can relate to...or at least that is what I want to believe.

If there is any real advice I think I could offer to anyone who might be faced with the challenge of binging or emotional eating, it would be this: don't try to do it alone. Talk to a friend or a counselor about it. Talk to me about it :) I am happy to share my experiences :)

Orange Cinnamon Chicken

I just discovered a new seasoning! Seasonings are really a great way to mix up your meals without overcomplicating anything:) I am all about quick meals, so playing around with seasonings is the perfect way for me to add variety, while still being efficient with my time!  So this is what I have been using to season my chicken and oatmeal for the last couple of days, and I really LOVE IT! I like cinnamon on just about anything, and have had it on chicken before, but adding the orange peel gives it something a little extra! It's delicious! I got the orange peel seasoning at Safeway, but I think it can be easily found in most local grocery stores:)

Chipotle Salad

Chipotle is one of my favorite places to grab a quick, healthy meal if I want to eat out. The hubby and I don't go there too frequently, but the past few times I have gone, I have started changing up my order a little bit to keep the calories low enough for it to be a worthwhile meal:) I usually order a bowl, and have been substituting A LOT of veggies for rice and beans...and the veggies really are delicious:) So my bowl is usually something like: lots and lots of veggies, double chicken, pico, hot sauce, lettuce, and if I am feeling extra hungry I will get light avacado (because if you don't request 'light', they will basically put an entire mashed avacado on your salad...yum). Chipotle is kinda expensive for one meal...or I would probably eat there more frequently...but my alternative salad is pretty dang good, too:)

Chipotle Salad

4 oz. Chicken Breast
1/2 sliced red onion
1 sliced green bell pepper
2 Tbs hot salsa (salsa of choice)

1 tsp Sriracha
3 cups baby romaine lettuce

To prepare the chicken:
Pre-heat the oven to 400 F. Trim and cube raw chicken. Season chicken (I use a lot of sea salt with Weber Kick'n Chicken seasoning). Bake covered for one hour. Remove and let chicken cool while remaining covered for 30 minutes.

Salad:
Sautee red pepper and green bell peppers with some sea salt. When that is finished, toss all of the ingredients in a bowl and enjoy!

Easy:) and yummy! And Macro Friendly;)

Calories: 238
Carb: 19.8 g
Protein: 29.8 g
Fat: 5 g

'No Bake' Oatmeal

I have been eating the same thing every morning for breakfast for about two weeks...simply because it is absolutely delicious. And super quick and easy:) It's a simple oatmeal recipe that will satisfy your sweet and chocolate cravings:) It tastes like no bake cookies!

'No Bake' Oatmeal

3/4 cup Old fashioned oatmeal
1.5 scoop ISO 100 whey chocolate protein powder
1 Tbs Chocolate PB2

Add water to the oatmeal and microwave to cook (about 90 seconds). Mix in protein powder and PB2. I like to add a little bit of unsweetened almond milk if it is too hot :) Yum Yum! Try it out!

Finding Balance After a Year of Strict Dieting

 First place open bikini class D, October 2013

I am mostly writing this for myself, because I know that I wont be the first to say this; however, what I say can be a reality for a lot of girls, especially as bikini competitions become more popular.

I have always had a sweet tooth...a raging sweet tooth. Luckily for me, I had an easy enough time controlling it before I started competing. I would usually only have issues with it when I was at a party or social gathering where treats were present, and even then I set limits for myself that I would almost always follow.

My diet wasn't exactly on target, because I was only really focused on eating 'healthy' food and I wasn't eating for calories or for growth (I did a lot of cardio and some bodyweight resistance exercises then...but not as much lifting as I should have been doing).  When I was taking a sports nutrition course for school, we had to do a diet analysis for ourselves. That was the first time that I logged my calories for myself. I was eating meals every two to three hours, but at the end of the day I was only eating around 1200 calories and most of the calories were from carbohydrates (bread...lots of bread). I started to learn more about macronutrient ratios and specifically protein.

I didn't start implementing what I had learned until the summer, but when I did, I noticed some changes. I lost a few pounds that I had gained from eating out too much when I moved to a bigger college town (lots of social events...lots of free 'food'...pizza). I am definitely my own worst critic, so I hated those few extra pounds and I was really hard on myself for gaining them (and I got married, so I wasn't the only one seeing all of my 'flaws' anymore). When I started to lean out a little bit, I was much happier. I was logging my calories and making sure that I was getting enough protein every day, but I wasn't paying attention to the sugar that I was eating...it was coming mostly from fruit sources, but if you haven't heard this already: sugar is sugar is sugar...no matter the source. So I was still a little softer than I wanted, and my abs refused to show.

Last fall, I started lifting a lot more. I started talking to my buddy, who was preparing to do the March 2013 NPC bodybuilding show and the more I talked to him, the more interested I was in doing the show. I knew that I would need a coach for my first show, and after looking around a lot, I found someone that I really liked and I began training. The biggest change was the diet. I was eating a lot more protein and a lot more calories. Because I was eating more, the first few weeks were awesome. I didn't get hungry, but it was also the holiday season so, as before, I struggled at family parties where all of our traditional treats were being served. I leaned out pretty quickly and I felt so good. I had energy and I felt good about the way I looked. I did cheat a few times (really big cheats...think sugar binge), and I always noticed how ill and lethargic I would feel the next day.

After doing 3 competitions throughout the year, I finally placed where I wanted to. I qualified to move on to national shows:) After a long year of very strict dieting, I was ready for a break. I was ready to be able to experiment with my meals a little bit more. I thought it would be easy for me to continue to eat well and maintain a lean figure, while adding muscle. It would be simple. Increase calories a little bit at a time. Gradually decrease cardio. Lift heavier. Grow. 1-2-3. Easy.

Like many things, it has been easier said than done. I get extremely intense cravings for junk food now. Food that I never even liked before. I have been pretty good about staying aware of my cravings, but I have given into them more often than I should. I tell myself that it's okay because I know how to lose it and I have a lot of time before my next competition. The thing is, I have gotten softer than I would like to be from too much sugar in my diet. I am harder on myself than anyone else, but I have a hard time being positive about the way I look, especially when that crappy feeling after eating crappy food is still there. My energy is lower and I am less motivated (even though this is when I really need the motivation). I have found that after competing I have a harder time choosing healthy food to satisfy my hunger. It is a lot harder for me to look at food for it's micronutrients and health benefits. It seems like the first thing to cross my mind is simply, 'how many calories does it have, and how will it affect my macros today?'.

I have been experimenting with my diet a lot during the past month and a half. I don't have much trouble with keeping it clean at this point, but I am now trying to find a balance that makes me happy. I wanted to do all paleo (and I still really do). I realized that until I have established something clean that I can maintain, paleo is a bit too drastic for me right now, though. My house is void of treats, so I really just need to focus a little bit more on my self-control at the parties, now;)

I took the overall for the open bikini division October 2013

If It Fits Your Macros: IIFYM

IIFYM is becoming more and more popular in the fitness world. The IIFYM diet is pretty simple. Eat the right amount of calories in combination with the proper ratios of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats.

The appealing thing about IIFYM is that it allows you to indulge in some of the foods you love. If you are planning to go out with your friends for pizza you can track the carbs, proteins, and fats from your pizza and eat the rest of your meals to keep your macro ratios balanced for the day! AND while you live a little, you can look good...and when I say that, I mean it is possible to maintain the nice abs and toned body that you work so hard for.

SO. How many calories should you be eating? It varies from person to person. One of the best ways to find out how much you should be eating is to experiment. The first place I would start is with your BASAL METABOLIC RATE. Don't go below that number. In fact, you should generally be at least a couple hundred calories above that number (this does depend on your circumstances...hiring a knowledgeable trainer or coach ;) will help you to really dial in on the details). 

Next, what should your macro ratios be? Again, this will vary from person to person, and I repeat that the best way to find out what works for you is to experiment. I like to start people off with a 50% carbohydrate, 30% protein, and 20% fat ratio.

What?! You don't like math? Well, my friends...there is an app (website) for that:) and it's free. I use it myself to track what I am eating and it has a really cool feature that breaks your macros into a really pretty little pie chart for you:) 

If you think this is something that has potential for you, I hope that my tips can help! 

Pumpkin Pancakes with Creamy Chocolate Spread

These make a yummy breakfast (or treat, if you have cravings like I do)! I will be sure to post a picture another time...I ate them up too quickly to snap one this morning;)

Pancakes
1/3 cup old fashioned oatmeal
1 scoop protein powder
1 large egg
1/3 cup pumpkin puree
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
~4 tbs water to thin batter

Creamy Chocolate Spread
1/4 cup fat free cottage cheese
1 tbs raw cacao powder
1 packet stevia powder

1 Serving (full recipe/6 pancakes):
Calories: 411
Carb: 35.7 g
Protein: 45.3 g
Fat: 9.7 g

Blend pancake ingredients. Melt coconut oil on a frying pan and let the pan get hot on a medium heat setting. Pour and fry each side of your pancakes. Blend spread ingredients until smooth and top your pancakes:) Yum!!!

Counting Calories

Counting calories isn't for everyone, but when it comes to weight loss it really does come down to two simple variables. Calories consumed (eaten) vs. calories expended (burned). When you consume more calories than you expend, the result is weight gain. When you consume fewer calories than you expend, the result is weight loss.

Unfortunately, you can cut your calories too low. I have seen many people make this mistake. So, how do you calculate how many calories you should be eating each day? Here is the method that I useJ

1.  Find your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). This is the energy your body requires to maintain your current body mass. More simply put, it is the amount of calories your body needs, while you sit and breathe, to maintain its mass.*There are some great BMR calculators onlineJ I like this one: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/

2.  Determine your lifestyle activity level. In your regular day, how active are you? At work? At home? At school?

If you are sedentary (little or no exercise) = 1.2

If you are lightly active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/week) = 1.375

If you are moderately active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/week = 1.55

If you are very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days a week) = 1.725

If you are extra active (very hard exercise/sports & physical job or 2x training) =  1.9

3. Calculate Daily Caloric Energy Expenditure. ((BMR)*(Lifestyle Activity Level) = Daily Caloric Expenditure.  This will represent the calories required to maintain your mass with your current activity level.

4.  Create a deficit for weight loss. 1 pound of fat is roughly 3500 calories. A healthy weight loss goal is 1-2 pounds per week. One pound per week = Daily Caloric Expenditure – 500 (calories per day).  Two pounds per week = Daily Caloric Expenditure -1000 (calories per day).

So, there you have itJ. This is a relatively simple way to figure out just how much you should be eating to reach your goals!