DIETARY FREEDOM.

Here I am again. Not ready for the contest that is in a few short weeks...but you know what? IGAF (indirect translation: I don't give a hoot...) As I mentioned in my last post, I am totally happy with my body and my diet for maybe the first time in my life.

It is so incredibly freeing to feel like food doesn't control me. Do I have a six-pack? Well, yes...but you can't see it. And I am cool with it...because I feel really healthy. I have energy. I get to enjoy eating with friends and family. I don't feel like I have to say no to treats. I don't schedule my meals to be every two hours...because my life is not scheduled in 2 hour increments. My meals actually feel like meals...which is actually far more satiating, regardless of calories.

Does that mean I eat whatever and whenever I want to? Nope. Sometimes I still say no to treats because I still have goals. I listen to my body better and I know pretty well what foods I should avoid...because, even though I don't think anyone should label foods as 'good' or 'bad' foods...there are foods that are bad FOR ME.

Trigger foods. Foods that are catalysts to bad dietary decisions. Foods that trigger an emotional response (that for me can turn very quickly into binging).  I try to be careful with those foods. I do my best not to indulge in them if I am having a bad day.  They are foods that I probably shouldn't keep in my house (but I am human...and sometimes I fall prey to the temptation...or I shop hungry and I make more unhealthy decisions).  Trigger foods are not the same for everyone.

Food is not the enemy. Food is a thing. Food is food. Sometimes fuel for just living day to day. Sometimes fuel for intense exercise. Sometimes fuel for the soul. 

I work with men and women who somewhere along the line developed a misunderstanding of what food is and what it can do FOR them. Eating has been so demonized in so many ways. 'Too much fat will make you fat'. 'Sugar will give you diabetes'. 'Bread is bad for you'. 'GMO will give you cancer'. 'If you can't pronounce the ingredient, don't eat it'. BLAH BLAH BLAH. It is CONFUSING.

Nutrition does not need to be confusing. YES. There is some validity in many of those statements...but people don't know why or under what circumstances the statements are valid...so starts the pattern of eating no fat, no sugar, no bread, no gmo food, nothing processed, and whatever other stupid thing that is trending. If you cut those things out...what is left? Ah. You have the internet's permission to drink water. ALLLL the water.  And veggies. And grass fed-free range meat. Unless you are 'ethical'. Then no meat...#vegan #whatthehealth (ALSO BULLSHIT). SO veggies and water #ftw.

Good luck ever feeling satisfied...or remotely happy when all you tell yourself you should be eating is cardboard washed down with a glass of water. GUYS YOU CAN'T DO THIS...seriously. What happens on the weekends after you've managed to stick to it all week? You eat every single thing. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. And then you feel guilt. And so you smother the feeling by eating more. RIGHT? But Monday rolls around and you can 'be good' again. THIS IS NOT DIETARY FREEDOM. It is a prison and the guards look a lot like a box of doughnuts.

And you know what? I have fallen for nearly [every. single. one.] of these trends. I have tried them all. And there are things that I have learned from trying them. BUT none of them worked. ZERO of them offered me the balance that I needed to have dietary freedom. I never felt in control of food or my ability to choose, until I let go of the 'rules'.

The only rule I have now is this: I DECIDE TO EAT. I decide to eat fresh veggies. I decide to eat fruit. I decide to drink soda. I decide to eat cookies. I decide to eat ice cream. I decide to have a diet soda. WHATEVER. As long as I am aware of my choices and take two seconds to be mindful about my choices I HAVE THE CONTROL. And I choose better. And sometimes I choose to feel a little extra full because I went out and had a burger and it put my calories up by 500 or whatever. IT WAS MY CHOICE. It might slow down some weight loss...I might even gain a pound (but I will know that before making the decision...and I know that I have nobody and nothing to blame for enjoying myself...and I can always choose to eat half of the burger or get no burger and visit...because I DECIDE).

This is how I approach nutrition with my clients. NO QUICK FIX.  I want my clients to learn how to adjust perspectives and trust that they know themselves better than anyone else ever will.  Dietary guidance is secondary.

If you want to change, you have to believe that you have the ability to change and be empowered to take control of the one thing you can...YOUR CHOICES.


I will do an actual contest prep update sometime...because it's still a goal;) Just not one that I am willing to sacrifice balance and happiness for.

Before, After, After-after...

*Preface*
This will be a long post, but it's an overview of what this whole season has been like for me:) If you want to know anything else about the season, ask! I am sure I'll left things out:)

I've been a little bit MIA lately. On top of competition prep(s), I started a new job a few months ago and have also been in the process of buying a home with my husband...all in all, my brain and priorities have been elsewhere. But, I thought I would throw out a new post:) Just a little updater:

I FINALLY got myself into a good place to be in competition prep around the middle of April; however, it turned out to be a bit of a crunch when my eight week prep turned into a six-week prep (I thought my show was going to be later than it actually was). This turned out to be the shortest prep I have ever done. It was a little bit stressful, but I managed to get on stage feeling pretty good, especially for such a short prep:

June 6. 2015 NPC Utah

This was definitely the least conditioned I have been for a show, but I placed and it turned out to be a good 'warm up' show for the rest of the summer. A few things that were different during this prep:

• no more than 20 minutes/day x5 days of cardio (and really, that much was probably only the last three weeks or so)
• lower caloric intake (averaging 1600/day)
• I spent A LOT of money on my hair. Loved it...would I do it again? Maybe...
• I did shellac nails instead of acrylic. I will never go back. Never.

My 'treat meal' after this show was basically an entire loaf of bread toasted with honey and butter. I wanted sushi...but the show ended late and the sushi place was closed (and closed the next day, too). I also had a burger the next afternoon. 

I was back on prep the following Monday. My next show was in San Jose 3 weeks later, so I had to kick it into high gear. I cut my macros a little further, but kept cardio at around 20 min/day x6 days. With a 9 week prep, I felt a lot more confident with my condition:

 June 27. 2015 San Jose

• Cut calories further (averaging 1500 cal/day)

I re-qualified for NPC USAs at this show (which was my goal). This show was not as well orgainzed as most that I have done...the competitors meeting took 3 hours, my class didn't get on stage for pre-judging until 4, and we didn't get on stage for finals until midnight. I was DEAD. There was a Grateful Dead concert happening all day across the street from the venue, so we didn't get to leave all day and after the show ended, we had to hop to a few different Denny's to find one that didn't have an hour wait (at 2AM...). I got some skillet from Denny's and we drove home (got back at 4AM). 

I took a total break for three days after with Robbie for our anniversary:) We spent a day in Sausalito and then another day in San Francisco and there were LOTS of treats involved. I think we got a big breakfast every morning, burgers and ice cream in Sausalito, and crappy food truck food in San Francisco (not worth it..) and treats for the hotel room. 

I had three more weeks to prep for NPC USAs after that. I planned to drop about 3 pounds, which involved cutting my calories further and altering my cardio regimen. I dropped the weight and came in smaller than I ever have on stage. I actually felt super tiny...not my favorite...but I was lean. Hella lean. 

July 24-25. 2015 NPC USAs

• Curled my hair for the first time: probably not gonna do that again.
• TOTALLY changed my posing...a week before...but the changes were really good, I just need more time to practice.
• Fasted AM cardio 3x/week. LOW intensity 45 min. Fasted AM cardio 2x/week 20 min intervals, 25 min LOW intensity. I actually really enjoyed doing fasted cardio. A lot:)
• Cut macros (averaging 1450 cal/day)

I didn't place or get call-outs at this show. Honestly, it was disappointing...but I brought a better physique to USAs this year than last year, which is what my initial goal was, so I left happy about that. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't as careful with my treats following this show. Over three days I felt like I literally ate everything. We got thai food, cafe rio, and 11-course sushi meal (fun...but not worth it), HUGE breakfast (twice), Serendipity 3 (I would do that again...), burgers and fries, and ice cream...and it's entirely possible that I forgot something. It was a total food fest.

I didn't really hold back after that, either. I've had lower days, but mostly higher days until about 2 weeks ago (I am prepping for a competition...or a photoshoot...time will tell). I pretty much gained all my weight back from before my first show of the season...which wouldn't be a big deal, if I didn't know that the way that I regained it has been unhealthy. 

I was thinking about it earlier this weekend, and even when I was younger I had some issues with overeating and food addiction. I have never been overweight...but largely because I have always been active and somewhat attentive to nutrition. BUT I have also sat at my parents' counter and eaten through 2 packages of graham crackers and a liter of milk in one sitting, I spent one summer as a teen where I literally ate an entire box of mac and cheese every day as one meal, I would make quesadillas...with the whole pack of tortillas...and desserts (mainly at parties) have always been a major trigger for me. 

SO. After dealing with bingeing and some VERY intense feelings of guilt (and feeling phsyically toxic) I decided at the beginning of this week that I am going to kick my food addiction. 

I spent time thinking about how I can do this and came up with a few things:

1. IDENTIFYING TRIGGERS

I don't spend 100% of my day craving food, but there are days when I am in situations that make controlling my cravings much more difficult. For me some of the scenarios that are challenging for me are:

• Watching TV: for some reason this has evolved for me. I haven't always felt the need to eat while watching movies or TV, but at some point food connected to TV for me.
• Family dinner parties: my mom makes AWESOME dinner rolls...that is the 'initial trigger'...dinner parties are usually birthday celebrations, which means there is going to be cake and ice cream (which are wonderful and normal treats to have at parties). I have a tendancy to go for seconds, thirds, fourths, etc... not normal. 
• Invitation to restaurants with friends/family: this isn't always a trigger for me...but certain restaurants are, usually restaurants with really large portions.
• Traveling: I like trying top rated restaurants when I travel...normal. Trying ALL of them...not normal.

2. PLAN OF ATTACK

Life would not be as enjoyable if I were to eliminate my triggers. I enjoy watching movies, spending time with family, eating out, and traveling. If I were to avoid all of those things in order to avoid triggers, I would miss out on a lot of joyful memories that could be made. SO. I am not goint to eliminate my triggers. But, there are other things that can be done to help aleviate the temptations in those trigger scenarios:

• TV: limiting time spent watching TV (right now I am trying to keep it under 4 hrs/week). It is mostly a waste of time, anyhow. An occasional movie is more than enough.
• Family Parties: I have noticed that when I can see the food, it is a lot harder for me to control my portions. My family talks A LOT during dinner and the food is often left sitting on the table while we talk. I will likely need to request some help with this, but at family parties 'out of sight, out of mind' is extremely helpful, as well as putting my plate in the wash, so I can't keep filling it. 
• Restaurants: 1. Budget for eating out. Don't go over budget. 2. Save eating out for special occassions and planned date nights vs. eating out for 'convenience' or for not wanting to cook...it really isn't any more convenient most of the time.
• Traveling: luckily I don't travel too often, but when I do I think keeping to the restaurant guidelines will actually make the biggest difference. Hit up a grocery store and get some easy prep, normal meals...as for airplanes and traveling out of the country: 1. pack oats and protein/protien bars 2. Always fill plate with veggies and protein first (resort/buffet food) 

If I compete, it will be in 5 weeks. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself and go to crazy extremes to be ready, so if I don't feel prepared, I will extend my prep and do a photoshoot instead, and maybe another show, if there happens to be one near-ish when I am feeling ready. I am working on an exit plan from that to stay leaner and increase my calories to maintenance (a little bit higher...for the gainz) after I reach my goal (which is not a time goal, but a physique goal). 

Here is a litte timeline of this year's 'progress':

Weekly Comparison Photos (no, the lighting and angles are not all the same...)

Start of prep. NPC Utah vs. Start of peak week NPC Utah

One month comparison

One month comparison

Start of peak week NPC Utah vs. Start of peak week San Jose

Three month comparison

AND

Now-ish

Bikini Prep 2015: Starting Point and Keeping Perspective

I have officially been 'prepping' for my upcoming contest for 4 days, and yesterday was exactly 7 weeks out from stage day. My abs have already started to tighten up and I am feeling really good about this prep:)

These are my 'before' pics:

I know it's not the best lighting and not a full-length progress pic...but I always carry most of my 'excess' weight in my mid-section and lower back, so I am more concerned with how that is changing, anyway. 

Moving on...I was in the locker room the other day and I overheard three girls talking about the upcoming show, two of which said they would be competing. These girls were beautiful. Both were already fairly lean and one had put her suit on for posing practice. Initially, it was a little bit discouraging to see that she was already so prepared to hit the stage. I was disappointed and jealous that I am not at that point [yet].

Not comparing myself to other girls is a challenge for me, regardless of it being on stage or just on the streets. Luckily, I don't have too much trouble admitting it (which is a start to just letting it go...hopefully:)). 

I left the gym thinking about her, but I was quick to remind myself that I don't do this to compete with other girls. I do this to compete with myself. It's about the work that I put in for me. It's about enjoying myself on-stage and making connections backstage with other girls who share my passion for fitness. 

I am feeling good about my sprints. I may have to back off of them just a little bit, to avoid shin-splints...but that's cool. I will most likely do some incline intervals or stair master intervals on the days that I am not sprinting. 

I am definitely starting to feel hungry. I have mainly noticed my hunger at night, but I have really been enjoying my meals and don't feel like I will need to change them yet.

Overall, I am still feeling confident about this prep:)