DIETARY FREEDOM.

Here I am again. Not ready for the contest that is in a few short weeks...but you know what? IGAF (indirect translation: I don't give a hoot...) As I mentioned in my last post, I am totally happy with my body and my diet for maybe the first time in my life.

It is so incredibly freeing to feel like food doesn't control me. Do I have a six-pack? Well, yes...but you can't see it. And I am cool with it...because I feel really healthy. I have energy. I get to enjoy eating with friends and family. I don't feel like I have to say no to treats. I don't schedule my meals to be every two hours...because my life is not scheduled in 2 hour increments. My meals actually feel like meals...which is actually far more satiating, regardless of calories.

Does that mean I eat whatever and whenever I want to? Nope. Sometimes I still say no to treats because I still have goals. I listen to my body better and I know pretty well what foods I should avoid...because, even though I don't think anyone should label foods as 'good' or 'bad' foods...there are foods that are bad FOR ME.

Trigger foods. Foods that are catalysts to bad dietary decisions. Foods that trigger an emotional response (that for me can turn very quickly into binging).  I try to be careful with those foods. I do my best not to indulge in them if I am having a bad day.  They are foods that I probably shouldn't keep in my house (but I am human...and sometimes I fall prey to the temptation...or I shop hungry and I make more unhealthy decisions).  Trigger foods are not the same for everyone.

Food is not the enemy. Food is a thing. Food is food. Sometimes fuel for just living day to day. Sometimes fuel for intense exercise. Sometimes fuel for the soul. 

I work with men and women who somewhere along the line developed a misunderstanding of what food is and what it can do FOR them. Eating has been so demonized in so many ways. 'Too much fat will make you fat'. 'Sugar will give you diabetes'. 'Bread is bad for you'. 'GMO will give you cancer'. 'If you can't pronounce the ingredient, don't eat it'. BLAH BLAH BLAH. It is CONFUSING.

Nutrition does not need to be confusing. YES. There is some validity in many of those statements...but people don't know why or under what circumstances the statements are valid...so starts the pattern of eating no fat, no sugar, no bread, no gmo food, nothing processed, and whatever other stupid thing that is trending. If you cut those things out...what is left? Ah. You have the internet's permission to drink water. ALLLL the water.  And veggies. And grass fed-free range meat. Unless you are 'ethical'. Then no meat...#vegan #whatthehealth (ALSO BULLSHIT). SO veggies and water #ftw.

Good luck ever feeling satisfied...or remotely happy when all you tell yourself you should be eating is cardboard washed down with a glass of water. GUYS YOU CAN'T DO THIS...seriously. What happens on the weekends after you've managed to stick to it all week? You eat every single thing. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. And then you feel guilt. And so you smother the feeling by eating more. RIGHT? But Monday rolls around and you can 'be good' again. THIS IS NOT DIETARY FREEDOM. It is a prison and the guards look a lot like a box of doughnuts.

And you know what? I have fallen for nearly [every. single. one.] of these trends. I have tried them all. And there are things that I have learned from trying them. BUT none of them worked. ZERO of them offered me the balance that I needed to have dietary freedom. I never felt in control of food or my ability to choose, until I let go of the 'rules'.

The only rule I have now is this: I DECIDE TO EAT. I decide to eat fresh veggies. I decide to eat fruit. I decide to drink soda. I decide to eat cookies. I decide to eat ice cream. I decide to have a diet soda. WHATEVER. As long as I am aware of my choices and take two seconds to be mindful about my choices I HAVE THE CONTROL. And I choose better. And sometimes I choose to feel a little extra full because I went out and had a burger and it put my calories up by 500 or whatever. IT WAS MY CHOICE. It might slow down some weight loss...I might even gain a pound (but I will know that before making the decision...and I know that I have nobody and nothing to blame for enjoying myself...and I can always choose to eat half of the burger or get no burger and visit...because I DECIDE).

This is how I approach nutrition with my clients. NO QUICK FIX.  I want my clients to learn how to adjust perspectives and trust that they know themselves better than anyone else ever will.  Dietary guidance is secondary.

If you want to change, you have to believe that you have the ability to change and be empowered to take control of the one thing you can...YOUR CHOICES.


I will do an actual contest prep update sometime...because it's still a goal;) Just not one that I am willing to sacrifice balance and happiness for.

Contest Season 2016 Check-in #1

It's that time of year again. It's getting warmer outside and contests are being held more frequently. I have taken about 7.5 months to build and I have loved it. Lifting heavy feels really good. So good that the transition into the cutting season hasn't sounded as appealing as it usually does.

During the past 7.5 months I have felt pretty good about my figure, even weighing 20+ lbs. over my stage weight. I still would like to moderate that gain a little bit better following this contest season, but I was able to go through most of the improvement season without trying to diet back down again every other week. I just ate. A lot. I ate a lot of treats and foods that I love (which wont change all that much during prep, just the amounts).

I started cutting back my calories and measuring my food more carefully about a week ago. I have seen some good changes so far, and I am excited to see what the off season has done as I shed some body fat. I am hoping to get my body composition tested in the BodPod sometime soon, to compare to last year's test and get some idea of what my lean muscle changes are.

I will be working with a coach this season, and he may change my plan completely from what I have started with...which might not be terrible enjoyable in the beginning, but I am determined to do what he says and see what I can achieve...and I trust that he can help me reach my highest potential, so I am looking forward to the season with him.

Here are my starting progress pictures and stats:)

March 13.2016          140.9#

1800 cal. 150 p 183 c 52 f

Before, After, After-after...

*Preface*
This will be a long post, but it's an overview of what this whole season has been like for me:) If you want to know anything else about the season, ask! I am sure I'll left things out:)

I've been a little bit MIA lately. On top of competition prep(s), I started a new job a few months ago and have also been in the process of buying a home with my husband...all in all, my brain and priorities have been elsewhere. But, I thought I would throw out a new post:) Just a little updater:

I FINALLY got myself into a good place to be in competition prep around the middle of April; however, it turned out to be a bit of a crunch when my eight week prep turned into a six-week prep (I thought my show was going to be later than it actually was). This turned out to be the shortest prep I have ever done. It was a little bit stressful, but I managed to get on stage feeling pretty good, especially for such a short prep:

June 6. 2015 NPC Utah

This was definitely the least conditioned I have been for a show, but I placed and it turned out to be a good 'warm up' show for the rest of the summer. A few things that were different during this prep:

• no more than 20 minutes/day x5 days of cardio (and really, that much was probably only the last three weeks or so)
• lower caloric intake (averaging 1600/day)
• I spent A LOT of money on my hair. Loved it...would I do it again? Maybe...
• I did shellac nails instead of acrylic. I will never go back. Never.

My 'treat meal' after this show was basically an entire loaf of bread toasted with honey and butter. I wanted sushi...but the show ended late and the sushi place was closed (and closed the next day, too). I also had a burger the next afternoon. 

I was back on prep the following Monday. My next show was in San Jose 3 weeks later, so I had to kick it into high gear. I cut my macros a little further, but kept cardio at around 20 min/day x6 days. With a 9 week prep, I felt a lot more confident with my condition:

 June 27. 2015 San Jose

• Cut calories further (averaging 1500 cal/day)

I re-qualified for NPC USAs at this show (which was my goal). This show was not as well orgainzed as most that I have done...the competitors meeting took 3 hours, my class didn't get on stage for pre-judging until 4, and we didn't get on stage for finals until midnight. I was DEAD. There was a Grateful Dead concert happening all day across the street from the venue, so we didn't get to leave all day and after the show ended, we had to hop to a few different Denny's to find one that didn't have an hour wait (at 2AM...). I got some skillet from Denny's and we drove home (got back at 4AM). 

I took a total break for three days after with Robbie for our anniversary:) We spent a day in Sausalito and then another day in San Francisco and there were LOTS of treats involved. I think we got a big breakfast every morning, burgers and ice cream in Sausalito, and crappy food truck food in San Francisco (not worth it..) and treats for the hotel room. 

I had three more weeks to prep for NPC USAs after that. I planned to drop about 3 pounds, which involved cutting my calories further and altering my cardio regimen. I dropped the weight and came in smaller than I ever have on stage. I actually felt super tiny...not my favorite...but I was lean. Hella lean. 

July 24-25. 2015 NPC USAs

• Curled my hair for the first time: probably not gonna do that again.
• TOTALLY changed my posing...a week before...but the changes were really good, I just need more time to practice.
• Fasted AM cardio 3x/week. LOW intensity 45 min. Fasted AM cardio 2x/week 20 min intervals, 25 min LOW intensity. I actually really enjoyed doing fasted cardio. A lot:)
• Cut macros (averaging 1450 cal/day)

I didn't place or get call-outs at this show. Honestly, it was disappointing...but I brought a better physique to USAs this year than last year, which is what my initial goal was, so I left happy about that. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't as careful with my treats following this show. Over three days I felt like I literally ate everything. We got thai food, cafe rio, and 11-course sushi meal (fun...but not worth it), HUGE breakfast (twice), Serendipity 3 (I would do that again...), burgers and fries, and ice cream...and it's entirely possible that I forgot something. It was a total food fest.

I didn't really hold back after that, either. I've had lower days, but mostly higher days until about 2 weeks ago (I am prepping for a competition...or a photoshoot...time will tell). I pretty much gained all my weight back from before my first show of the season...which wouldn't be a big deal, if I didn't know that the way that I regained it has been unhealthy. 

I was thinking about it earlier this weekend, and even when I was younger I had some issues with overeating and food addiction. I have never been overweight...but largely because I have always been active and somewhat attentive to nutrition. BUT I have also sat at my parents' counter and eaten through 2 packages of graham crackers and a liter of milk in one sitting, I spent one summer as a teen where I literally ate an entire box of mac and cheese every day as one meal, I would make quesadillas...with the whole pack of tortillas...and desserts (mainly at parties) have always been a major trigger for me. 

SO. After dealing with bingeing and some VERY intense feelings of guilt (and feeling phsyically toxic) I decided at the beginning of this week that I am going to kick my food addiction. 

I spent time thinking about how I can do this and came up with a few things:

1. IDENTIFYING TRIGGERS

I don't spend 100% of my day craving food, but there are days when I am in situations that make controlling my cravings much more difficult. For me some of the scenarios that are challenging for me are:

• Watching TV: for some reason this has evolved for me. I haven't always felt the need to eat while watching movies or TV, but at some point food connected to TV for me.
• Family dinner parties: my mom makes AWESOME dinner rolls...that is the 'initial trigger'...dinner parties are usually birthday celebrations, which means there is going to be cake and ice cream (which are wonderful and normal treats to have at parties). I have a tendancy to go for seconds, thirds, fourths, etc... not normal. 
• Invitation to restaurants with friends/family: this isn't always a trigger for me...but certain restaurants are, usually restaurants with really large portions.
• Traveling: I like trying top rated restaurants when I travel...normal. Trying ALL of them...not normal.

2. PLAN OF ATTACK

Life would not be as enjoyable if I were to eliminate my triggers. I enjoy watching movies, spending time with family, eating out, and traveling. If I were to avoid all of those things in order to avoid triggers, I would miss out on a lot of joyful memories that could be made. SO. I am not goint to eliminate my triggers. But, there are other things that can be done to help aleviate the temptations in those trigger scenarios:

• TV: limiting time spent watching TV (right now I am trying to keep it under 4 hrs/week). It is mostly a waste of time, anyhow. An occasional movie is more than enough.
• Family Parties: I have noticed that when I can see the food, it is a lot harder for me to control my portions. My family talks A LOT during dinner and the food is often left sitting on the table while we talk. I will likely need to request some help with this, but at family parties 'out of sight, out of mind' is extremely helpful, as well as putting my plate in the wash, so I can't keep filling it. 
• Restaurants: 1. Budget for eating out. Don't go over budget. 2. Save eating out for special occassions and planned date nights vs. eating out for 'convenience' or for not wanting to cook...it really isn't any more convenient most of the time.
• Traveling: luckily I don't travel too often, but when I do I think keeping to the restaurant guidelines will actually make the biggest difference. Hit up a grocery store and get some easy prep, normal meals...as for airplanes and traveling out of the country: 1. pack oats and protein/protien bars 2. Always fill plate with veggies and protein first (resort/buffet food) 

If I compete, it will be in 5 weeks. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself and go to crazy extremes to be ready, so if I don't feel prepared, I will extend my prep and do a photoshoot instead, and maybe another show, if there happens to be one near-ish when I am feeling ready. I am working on an exit plan from that to stay leaner and increase my calories to maintenance (a little bit higher...for the gainz) after I reach my goal (which is not a time goal, but a physique goal). 

Here is a litte timeline of this year's 'progress':

Weekly Comparison Photos (no, the lighting and angles are not all the same...)

Start of prep. NPC Utah vs. Start of peak week NPC Utah

One month comparison

One month comparison

Start of peak week NPC Utah vs. Start of peak week San Jose

Three month comparison

AND

Now-ish

Olympia Weekend 2014: Improvement Season Introspection

Juliana Malacarne wins the Olympia women's physique division

If you have been on any of the social media forums this weekend, you probably know that this weekend is a biggie in the fitness world. The Big Kahuna, the Olympia, has been running all weekend in Las Vegas. It seems like just about everyone is there. Tanned and toned, and collecting autographs and protein-packed goodies. I feel like I haven't missed a beat because of the frenzy of posts and updates; although, it would have been really fun to attend.

I love to see the incredible fiugres built and chiseled by perfect diets and grueling workous. It takes an immense dedication for every competitor to present their bodies on that famous stage. As I have participated in my fair share of competitions in the past year and a half, I know what kind of focus and willpower goes into competeing, and it definitely isn't an easy task.

In the midst of my admiration for the athletes competing this weekend; however, I can't help thinking more about how the explosion on my news feed has been effecting me.

I am not competition lean right now...in fact, I have yet again allowed myself to gain a about five pounds over what I like to maintain in the off season (not 5 pounds over stage weight...5 pounds over happy maintenance weight). Seeing all the incredible figures of the competitors and the athletes at the convention booths is awesome, but also brings some scrutiny to my current physical state. I am rounder in the middle and have some little dimples on my legs...and I realize that I am the only person who really sees the differences that come with an extra five pounds on my body...however; I find myself wishing I was stage ready again, wishing I had a visible six pack, and wishing there were a long line of admirers waiting anxiously to meet me.

I daily have to remind myself that fitness isn't a one way road. There are going to be days that I choose to enjoy an abundance of calories in order to enjoy the time I have with my family and friends. There are going to be days that I am just too tired, or too busy to go to the gym. I might get sick and need time to recover, stalling my workouts and maybe making it difficult to eat properly. I might want to go on a vacation. I have to remind myself that I want to LIVE. Yes, I want to look drop-dead awesome...but not at the expense of really enjoying life...and the off-season is definitely a good time to take advantage of every minute that I have to just live. There will be another stage to step on and another trophy to chase. I aspire to compete in some big a** shows...but, right now it's time to enjoy some time off :)

I plan to hit the stage again next summer:) My improvement season mantra: build bigger muscles...and eat some birthday cake;)

Chipotle Salad

Chipotle is one of my favorite places to grab a quick, healthy meal if I want to eat out. The hubby and I don't go there too frequently, but the past few times I have gone, I have started changing up my order a little bit to keep the calories low enough for it to be a worthwhile meal:) I usually order a bowl, and have been substituting A LOT of veggies for rice and beans...and the veggies really are delicious:) So my bowl is usually something like: lots and lots of veggies, double chicken, pico, hot sauce, lettuce, and if I am feeling extra hungry I will get light avacado (because if you don't request 'light', they will basically put an entire mashed avacado on your salad...yum). Chipotle is kinda expensive for one meal...or I would probably eat there more frequently...but my alternative salad is pretty dang good, too:)

Chipotle Salad

4 oz. Chicken Breast
1/2 sliced red onion
1 sliced green bell pepper
2 Tbs hot salsa (salsa of choice)

1 tsp Sriracha
3 cups baby romaine lettuce

To prepare the chicken:
Pre-heat the oven to 400 F. Trim and cube raw chicken. Season chicken (I use a lot of sea salt with Weber Kick'n Chicken seasoning). Bake covered for one hour. Remove and let chicken cool while remaining covered for 30 minutes.

Salad:
Sautee red pepper and green bell peppers with some sea salt. When that is finished, toss all of the ingredients in a bowl and enjoy!

Easy:) and yummy! And Macro Friendly;)

Calories: 238
Carb: 19.8 g
Protein: 29.8 g
Fat: 5 g

Finding Balance After a Year of Strict Dieting

 First place open bikini class D, October 2013

I am mostly writing this for myself, because I know that I wont be the first to say this; however, what I say can be a reality for a lot of girls, especially as bikini competitions become more popular.

I have always had a sweet tooth...a raging sweet tooth. Luckily for me, I had an easy enough time controlling it before I started competing. I would usually only have issues with it when I was at a party or social gathering where treats were present, and even then I set limits for myself that I would almost always follow.

My diet wasn't exactly on target, because I was only really focused on eating 'healthy' food and I wasn't eating for calories or for growth (I did a lot of cardio and some bodyweight resistance exercises then...but not as much lifting as I should have been doing).  When I was taking a sports nutrition course for school, we had to do a diet analysis for ourselves. That was the first time that I logged my calories for myself. I was eating meals every two to three hours, but at the end of the day I was only eating around 1200 calories and most of the calories were from carbohydrates (bread...lots of bread). I started to learn more about macronutrient ratios and specifically protein.

I didn't start implementing what I had learned until the summer, but when I did, I noticed some changes. I lost a few pounds that I had gained from eating out too much when I moved to a bigger college town (lots of social events...lots of free 'food'...pizza). I am definitely my own worst critic, so I hated those few extra pounds and I was really hard on myself for gaining them (and I got married, so I wasn't the only one seeing all of my 'flaws' anymore). When I started to lean out a little bit, I was much happier. I was logging my calories and making sure that I was getting enough protein every day, but I wasn't paying attention to the sugar that I was eating...it was coming mostly from fruit sources, but if you haven't heard this already: sugar is sugar is sugar...no matter the source. So I was still a little softer than I wanted, and my abs refused to show.

Last fall, I started lifting a lot more. I started talking to my buddy, who was preparing to do the March 2013 NPC bodybuilding show and the more I talked to him, the more interested I was in doing the show. I knew that I would need a coach for my first show, and after looking around a lot, I found someone that I really liked and I began training. The biggest change was the diet. I was eating a lot more protein and a lot more calories. Because I was eating more, the first few weeks were awesome. I didn't get hungry, but it was also the holiday season so, as before, I struggled at family parties where all of our traditional treats were being served. I leaned out pretty quickly and I felt so good. I had energy and I felt good about the way I looked. I did cheat a few times (really big cheats...think sugar binge), and I always noticed how ill and lethargic I would feel the next day.

After doing 3 competitions throughout the year, I finally placed where I wanted to. I qualified to move on to national shows:) After a long year of very strict dieting, I was ready for a break. I was ready to be able to experiment with my meals a little bit more. I thought it would be easy for me to continue to eat well and maintain a lean figure, while adding muscle. It would be simple. Increase calories a little bit at a time. Gradually decrease cardio. Lift heavier. Grow. 1-2-3. Easy.

Like many things, it has been easier said than done. I get extremely intense cravings for junk food now. Food that I never even liked before. I have been pretty good about staying aware of my cravings, but I have given into them more often than I should. I tell myself that it's okay because I know how to lose it and I have a lot of time before my next competition. The thing is, I have gotten softer than I would like to be from too much sugar in my diet. I am harder on myself than anyone else, but I have a hard time being positive about the way I look, especially when that crappy feeling after eating crappy food is still there. My energy is lower and I am less motivated (even though this is when I really need the motivation). I have found that after competing I have a harder time choosing healthy food to satisfy my hunger. It is a lot harder for me to look at food for it's micronutrients and health benefits. It seems like the first thing to cross my mind is simply, 'how many calories does it have, and how will it affect my macros today?'.

I have been experimenting with my diet a lot during the past month and a half. I don't have much trouble with keeping it clean at this point, but I am now trying to find a balance that makes me happy. I wanted to do all paleo (and I still really do). I realized that until I have established something clean that I can maintain, paleo is a bit too drastic for me right now, though. My house is void of treats, so I really just need to focus a little bit more on my self-control at the parties, now;)

I took the overall for the open bikini division October 2013

If It Fits Your Macros: IIFYM

IIFYM is becoming more and more popular in the fitness world. The IIFYM diet is pretty simple. Eat the right amount of calories in combination with the proper ratios of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats.

The appealing thing about IIFYM is that it allows you to indulge in some of the foods you love. If you are planning to go out with your friends for pizza you can track the carbs, proteins, and fats from your pizza and eat the rest of your meals to keep your macro ratios balanced for the day! AND while you live a little, you can look good...and when I say that, I mean it is possible to maintain the nice abs and toned body that you work so hard for.

SO. How many calories should you be eating? It varies from person to person. One of the best ways to find out how much you should be eating is to experiment. The first place I would start is with your BASAL METABOLIC RATE. Don't go below that number. In fact, you should generally be at least a couple hundred calories above that number (this does depend on your circumstances...hiring a knowledgeable trainer or coach ;) will help you to really dial in on the details). 

Next, what should your macro ratios be? Again, this will vary from person to person, and I repeat that the best way to find out what works for you is to experiment. I like to start people off with a 50% carbohydrate, 30% protein, and 20% fat ratio.

What?! You don't like math? Well, my friends...there is an app (website) for that:) and it's free. I use it myself to track what I am eating and it has a really cool feature that breaks your macros into a really pretty little pie chart for you:) 

If you think this is something that has potential for you, I hope that my tips can help! 

Counting Calories

Counting calories isn't for everyone, but when it comes to weight loss it really does come down to two simple variables. Calories consumed (eaten) vs. calories expended (burned). When you consume more calories than you expend, the result is weight gain. When you consume fewer calories than you expend, the result is weight loss.

Unfortunately, you can cut your calories too low. I have seen many people make this mistake. So, how do you calculate how many calories you should be eating each day? Here is the method that I useJ

1.  Find your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). This is the energy your body requires to maintain your current body mass. More simply put, it is the amount of calories your body needs, while you sit and breathe, to maintain its mass.*There are some great BMR calculators onlineJ I like this one: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/

2.  Determine your lifestyle activity level. In your regular day, how active are you? At work? At home? At school?

If you are sedentary (little or no exercise) = 1.2

If you are lightly active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/week) = 1.375

If you are moderately active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/week = 1.55

If you are very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days a week) = 1.725

If you are extra active (very hard exercise/sports & physical job or 2x training) =  1.9

3. Calculate Daily Caloric Energy Expenditure. ((BMR)*(Lifestyle Activity Level) = Daily Caloric Expenditure.  This will represent the calories required to maintain your mass with your current activity level.

4.  Create a deficit for weight loss. 1 pound of fat is roughly 3500 calories. A healthy weight loss goal is 1-2 pounds per week. One pound per week = Daily Caloric Expenditure – 500 (calories per day).  Two pounds per week = Daily Caloric Expenditure -1000 (calories per day).

So, there you have itJ. This is a relatively simple way to figure out just how much you should be eating to reach your goals!